Is it the Hormones?

I am having a terrible day for apparently no reason. Maybe its the hormones.

I went to WebMD to look up some information about PMS and hormones. Guess what? They don't have any good information about why these things happen which makes me suspicious of androcentric medicine and research. The suggestions to combat crazy hormones include having a balanced diet and maintaining a healthy level of activity. I have a good diet, I exercise. I still think its the hormones.

Or maybe its the moon.

Either way, I can't seem to keep my focus on any one thing. I tried to clean the kitchen and ended up getting corn meal all over the place. I've also been craving sweets all day. I ate them. I crumbled to the cravings. I am trying to put myself back on track with a green kale smoothie.

So another facet of my awesome hormonal phase is that I get very short with people. I'm pretty blunt as is, but during hormonal times I have even less patience than usual. So I told you all that to tell you this:

I was having a conversation with a person of the male persuasion when he said to me that I "should be treated like...ah nevermind." I'm 99% sure he was going to say, "like a princess" or something to that effect. It pissed me off to no end. Usually I don't care when people say things like that. I try not to sweat the small stuff; in the long run it makes no real difference to me. But like I said, this comment on this day pissed me off.

Why do people have to think that way? I have the fierce attitude of a princess, but I am not the type to spend all day every day being pampered or lazy. I work hard and I enjoy the fruits of my labor--a clean and organized house, healthy plants (mostly), a healthy body and mind, and a healthy family. I would be so bored laying around all day. I need to exercise my body and mind daily. I know some women prefer having more seditary lifestyle, I am not one of them and it is offensive to me when people assume that women would want to live like that. Being pampered is nice every once in a while, but I'm not interested in being placed in a category above anyone else. I have pretty bad balance, I imagine I'd fall off a pedestal pretty easily. Don't get me wrong, the sentiment is sweet. However, the statement is sexest. Unless, of course, he would also say that to another man.

And after some more thought on the subject the root of my distaste for the sentiment that women should be treated like princesses goes even deeper. The kind of people who say these things also expect their little "princesses" to never complain, to be always cheerful and bend to the whim of their provider. Some trophy wives are nothing but high class whores who are paid to have sex and be great actresses for guests. At a certain point they lose the ability to create their own lives.My other issue is that "princess" status is usually reserved for attractive females. Not all real princesses look like Grace Kelly. People need to get over the pedestal mentality.   

I have the pleasure of having a partner who makes me feel like a princess almost every day. He lets me have my fits, he supports my aspirations, and he never makes me feel like I have to do anything or be anything other than what I want to do or be. And in return I support him in his career, I take care of the house and I try to understand the things he is interested in even though I don't always find them fun pastimes. We lift each other up, we are each others royalty.

Detox Day 6-7

Ooooo Saturday was rough. Breakfast went well. I had an early snack of an apple because I was really tired.

Then Anthony surprised me with a trip to Buffalo Wild Wings (B-Dubbs) which is one of my favorite places to eat. Of course I wasn't supposed to have chicken wings, so I didn't. I had a Mediterranean  salad. I totally ate the pita bread that came with it. It was delicious. And then I stole a mozzarella stick from Anthony. I have no regrets!

We had to go to a birthday party. I'm so glad I ate the salad because there were no veggies in the place and only some apple and strawberries for me to snack on. I did well there. Dinner was the rest of the salad. And I was feeling glutenous so I ate a carrot cake protein bar. To be honest, that's not terrible eating. Okay, I didn't stick to the plan, but plans have to be flexible; life happens. Like I said before, I have so much respect for people who can stick to their guns even 90% of the time when it comes to special diets.

Today (Sunday) hasn't been terrible. My sweet tooth is acting up. I'm eating chocolate tomorrow. Really, there's nothing exciting to write home about. plain oatmeal, plain steamed veggies, and as a snack protein bars (water isn't a snack! Even if it does have veggie leftovers in it).

I have decided that people who use liquid drink diets bought from stores would do well to just make green smoothies as a meal replacement. The smoothies are delicious and healthy. Do I think I'll ever do another detox? I have no clue. I do think I'll make some of these smoothies a regular part of my diet. Most likely I will repeat the smoothies that include kale because while it is a super food, I haven't found a particular desire for it yet. The sweet/ fruit smoothies would be good to calm the beast inside me that demands sugar and dessert. All in all I think this was a good week and a good experiment. I definitely feel better now than I did before I started.

FiveDay (Friday)

I woke up and TOTALLY forgot it was Friday. It didn't matter, though. I did my work out with Ms. Jenni--we went to a local elementary school and used the jungle gym for sprints, push-ups and pull-ups. I also finished laundry even though the dryer is broken. Anthony and I have a visitor for the next few weeks. His name is Grommit and he's a friend of Mercy. They've been getting along really well. I had no idea how much energy Mercy has until today. The two pups played and played and played; it is hilarious to watch.

Today's eating was not according to plan. Breakfast was the same smoothie with added whey protein; good, but not filling enough. I ate an early snack. I like the pistachios in the shell because it takes time to eat them. Lunch was a salad, nothing thrilling about that. Snack on some more pistachios and early dinner of veggie soup. I was still feeling unsatisfied, so I ate some cheese and a protein drink.

I really feel normal for the most part. I miss chicken. I told Anthony I'm making homemade BBQ chicken (yes, I make my own sauce) and coleslaw for Monday. With that in mind, I've realized some things about myself over the past few days:

1) I can't live without cheese. I can probably go without moo milk and yogurt, but I can't live happily without cheese.

2) I am made to eat meat. I can live on fish and chicken boobs and enjoy the occasional chopped up cow, but I cannot live life without flesh. I have mad respect for people who go without animal products on their plates. I am weak for a delicious tasty dead animal. In the spirit of being healthy I really do try to keep meat to fish and chicken breast with no breading, no skin, no heavy sauces.

3) Grains/ carbs are amazing. People who know me know that I try to stick with whole grains and I usually only eat one slice of bread (with peanut or almond butter) a day as breakfast. I'm usually really bad at eating sandwiches open face style. I have to ration pasta, and by ration I mean I can't have it in the house unless other people are coming over to eat it. But I love pasta. I love the carb high after not indulging for a while.

4) Chocolate/ desserts. I have successfully converted to dark chocolate and can usually only take a bite or two of the bars I keep in the freezer. I grew up on sweets, fried foods, fast food, meats, and white bread. I know that at an evolutionary level humans are driven towards fat, sweet, and salty because the cycle used to be "Feast and Famine." The human body isn't meant for processed and prepackaged "foods" that are available all the time. Some people find a little bit of sweet to be enough and I really do envy those people. I would say I have come a long way learning to control my sweet tooth and changing what I find sweet and satisfying. However, I still love a hot brownie with cold ice cream and chocolate sauce.

In the universe of SUPER clean eating and SUPER physical health I would like to think I'm average. I am totally fine being average and living an average life and eating healthy 80-85% of the time. I don't need to be the most fit, I just want to be healthy and balanced. My idea of health and balance isn't going to be the same  as others'; it probably won't be the same five or ten years down the road, and that's cool. I don't ever expect to be a size 4. Three years ago I never would have guessed I'd be a size 6. Although I have (mostly) always been positive about how I looked and felt I can really tell a difference now that I am eating more cleanly and going outside to exercise. I'm finding balance with every new day.

What does balance look like for you? What will you find you can or can't live without once you try something new?

Detox Day 3 and 4

Right, so even though today is Thursday I'm writing about Wednesday. It was kind of a boring day. I almost didn't drink the last shake but I remembered the thing about the calories and made it anyway. Mentally I am wide awake and energized. My body is finally catching up with my mind. I feel like I have more energy but I would also say its a calm energy; I'm not hyper, I don't feel the need to run out the energy. I can concentrate more on tasks and make better sense of things going on around me. I feel closer to myself and to nature.

I have always told people to listen to their bodies which takes a measure of concentration and, in my opinion, meditation (of some kind). We have to be quiet with ourselves so we can dig deep, or let what has been buried float to the surface. People in this society have been very successful at distracting themselves from pretty much anything that matters. Mentally we don't want to deal with our own issues (including family, friends, intimacy, being alone) so we seek out these distractions to alleviate the pain that comes with getting to know ourselves and our emotions. A great outcome of being quiet and alone is getting in touch with someone we may have never met, but whom we have always wanted to be. Our potential lives inside of our heads/hearts and the journey is taken on the road of meditation. Some people have it easy--they know who they are and who they want to be. Some people have to work to break down their own misconceptions about self to discover that they can be--and they are--who they want to be. We all need a mild case of narcissism to boost our confidence and fall in love with ourselves. Yes, you should LOVE yourself--fully and in every way. We have to stop letting the outside world tell us we're not good enough. You have to be good enough for you. You have to answer to your own gods and morals.

The reason people do detox/ cleanse diets successfully is because they are getting back in tune with their own bodies and minds. (I assume the same should go for fasting). Intentions may be different but the results are the same--physical, mental, and spiritual well being can be restored by turning the focus from our so loved physical distractions or impurities towards something more satisfying. As always, the journey is important no matter how rough the road may be.

I may as well throw Thursday's observations up here, too. Life gets more beautiful every day. I get to eat some solid food (celery, carrots, cucumber and a veggie soup) Thursday-Saturday. For breakfast I made a modified version of the Coconut Milk Smoothie by adding 1/2 cup of almond milk and 1/2 cup of coconut water since I forgot to buy coconut milk. This was a delicious drink and I'm going to make it for the next two days for breakfast. Plus protein powder for thickness and because I will start working out every morning.

I was able to visit Sunset Beach (pictures coming soon), which is an AMAZINGLY beautiful beach. The waters were as clear as pool waters. The sun was warm and the clouds were welcome. For lunch my girl friend wanted to try Maui Mikes. I've heard this place is amazing and instead of having my salad today I splurged on a side order of green beans and some watermelon that my friend had brought. I laughed at the situation, but I was glad that my stomach didn't roll when I saw what other people were ordering (roll in the sense that I wanted the chicken to eat). The sign on the wall says the chickens are fresh, never frozen, and organic as can be. I'll have to go back one day for the shredded chicken breast. The green beans were delicious. For an afternoon snack I made the Super Detox Green Smoothie. I thought there wasn't going to be enough juice to support the vegetable leaves so I added a bit of coconut water. I probably added too much, but it was tasty so I don't care. Although I have not made the soup yet I am really, really looking forward to it.

Detox Day 2

Tuesday wasn't a bad day. I had to take an early morning nap. I went on a 3mile run with success. The re-adjustments I made to the smoothies improved the flavor. I used the pineapple and only 2 celery stalks for the lunch smoothie and I made sure to blend it well. It really made a huge difference in the texture and taste. For dinner I was beginning to feel sick so I added a scoop of vanilla whey protein and ate a handful of pistachios with the shake.

I looked up the caloric and nutritional value of my little diet and discovered it ranges between 1,200Kcal - 1,300Kcal more or less and depending on what I add or switch up. And as always, these online calculators aren't going to be 100% accurate. I'm not willing to make myself sick and I told myself that if I was hungry I'd eat, which is why I added nuts for day 2. Because I'm drinking my food I don't think I'm drinking enough plain water, but I think the water content of the fruits and vegetables are helping to compensate. 

Being able to take my time and prepare every meal is so wonderful. I get to be hands-on with my nutrients and learn how to create balance in taste and texture. I used to wonder how people could buy so much fresh produce and use it before it went bad. I have been terribly lazy with myself. Steaming frozen veggies was so much easier than using fresh. And generally I had no clue how much to buy for what I needed and it would end up going bad before I ate it. My intention would be to eat salads, but my actions showed my laziness. I have a new drive to eat fresh. I had frozen berries in my freezer for weeks and within two days of this program I almost need to go back to the store for more. And I've been able to incorporate the fruit I have growing in my garden! Although... the cucumbers have died. I think the afternoon sun was just too intense.

A friend asked me if I thought the cleanse was effective. I can feel that my body is a little slower because I have cut back on my calories. I wouldn't suggest the Dr. Oz detox without adding some protein to one drink a day because without it the caloric intake is too low and the sources of protein are too little--don't want to lose muscle mass. Last night I couldn't sleep, which was really annoying. It could have had something to do with a different matter going on, but my brain was wide awake. I usually like to read until I pass out, but my eyes told me to fuck off and they weren't reading any more. I feel like my mind is more active and I'm waiting for my body to catch up. This morning while walking the dog (I only needed an extra 30mins of sleep) I really felt like I was seeing colors more clearly. Its like walking around inside your HD TV! Last night I discovered I have super scent. Anthony ate ramen and shrimp for dinner. I could smell his breath from the other end of the couch! So is it effective? How could clean eating not be effective?

Tuesday I spent reading a 300+ page PDF about the Spartan races. I'm going to have to jump over fire and crawl under barbed wire. I need to build my upper body strength. One of the greatest concepts of the "book" is also something I support (although probably not as hardcore as the people who live the Spartan lifestyle). The idea is that people need to get back to basics. Food is fuel for activities and we have to have the right kind of fuel or our bodies aren't going to get the full benefit. Food is natural, less processed. People should be more active in their lives. So often we all are just going through the motions of the day, work, driving, whatever it is that we're doing. We should slow down a bit and have experiences and embrace hardships and struggles instead of looking for the easiest route. I'm not the kind of person who can jump on a band wagon 100% on day one. I take my time. I lost my weight and became healthy over years as I learned what "healthy" really meant and as I learned to listen to my body. I am always a work in progress; we all are. Its a beautiful thing.

Detox Day 1

I forgot to take pictures. I'll remember later. The breakfast smoothie is my favorite, so it is my repeat smoothie for the snack. My tweaks to the lunch smoothie didn't pan out. Today I'm trying it with 3/4TBS coconut water and 1/4TBS olive oil. I forgot to thaw out the pineapple in the freezer, so I substituted strawberries in. Maybe I didn't blend it enough, or maybe it was just a bad combination, but it was NOT delicious. I say that maybe I didn't blend it enough because the shake was chunky and I'm sensitive to tactile sensations. I couldn't deal with the texture. It took me about three hours to drink it all. The celery taste was strong, and the olive oil gave it a weird after taste. Trial and errors in the kitchen are important, though. Its like my own personal chem lab where I get to have fun. I said that I did the breakfast smoothie for the snack, but I substituted three TBS Greek yogurt for the banana and it tasted like perfection. I also have to say that having a good quality almond butter really makes a difference. Also, don't let the lemon seeds slip in to the smoothie. The dinner smoothie was interesting. When I think smoothie I think sweet, not savory; and definitely not spicy. The cayenne pepper gave dinner a spicy after taste that the other ingredients didn't help cover up. I think today I'll use a little less of it. By far, dinner was better than lunch. I was feeling sleepy by 8pm, so I took 1TBSP of crunchy peanut butter as a snack. 

Not eating solid foods is odd. Chewing helps a person feel satisfied. I will chew my food more carefully in the future. I remember being on a liquid diet when I got my wisdom teeth removed and it didn't bother me much... probably because I slept most of the time and had pain and narcotics to help me ignore missing chewing. I also need to do some caloric research on these smoothies. I have a feeling that they are putting me way under what I normally eat to maintain my body weight. Since this cleanse isn't meant as a weight loss tool (I don't imagine most are), I haven't and won't check the scale. I've heard that the first few days are the hardest, but I haven't felt much different from normal.

I also signed up for the Spartan 5K on August 17th here on Oahu. I'm nervous but excited. I will do my best to train 6 days a week. Oh, and this way achieved by total peer pressure.

Home-spun Detox

For the past week and a half or so I've been eating like I don't care about my body. I've noticed a rise in headaches and a general feeling of BLAH in my entire body. So last night we ate up all the unhealthy things in the fridge and today I begin my little detox program, which is actually three programs rolled into a week of clean eating. I felt I needed a kick start, so here we are.

I've had one friend express concerns about what I'm doing, so I'm going to explain everything here, even down to the diet. There are several detox/cleanse methods on the market and generally I think they're a bad idea. Anything powdery you have to buy from some manufacturing company is not likely to be real food and therefore not very helpful with a cleanse. Other programs rely on severely restricting calories and variety of foods. I believe that if you eat well you don't need to count calories. If your snack is an apple, who cares? If your snack is nachos then you might want to count your calories. I also don't believe in restricting foods too severely. We need a variety of fruits and vegetables and natural ingredients to make our bodies function. So when the scientific community does a study on detox programs they usually pick ones like the Master Cleanse, which let's be honest, if you honestly think drinking spicy lemon water for 10 days is healthy, you really have some issues to work out. I have chosen programs that use a blender (I don't have a juicer) and natural foods which means I get a variety of options and I get the benefit of all parts of the plant (Pulp? Yes, please!).

I also have a problem with the Western world view that places most ideas in opposition. Either it's healthy or it's not; either you're right or wrong. Give me a break. Once again we come up against popular detox programs versus the media/scientific community which says all detox programs are pretty useless. I believe that they are useless depending on the individual and the program (but science hasn't to my knowledge, put this theory to the test. We know that intention can change a person mentally and physically but no one has asked that question in relation to detox which is why we have to rely on testimonials). An unhealthy program does nothing for you. You get to be wildly restrictive and unhealthy and then go back to whatever unhealthy choices you were making before. You must also consider the individual and that person's intention. If the intention depends on the program, there is nothing gained afterward. I believe that most people go on a detox for a quick fix or because friends have told them to do it. If their mindset is for the program and for healthy habits to last only as long as the program prescribes, there is little gained. If, however, the intention is for the program to be a jump start to a healthy lifestyle then the intention will outlast the program and the health benefits are retained.

So we see there are two major players in a detox program: the program itself and the intention of the individual. It is easy to make unhealthy choices when you consider the variables. The program must be a healthy one that includes real food, and the intention must be for the program to boost healthy decision making in the future. We are dealing with body and mind: they both have an effect on each other. I believe for the physical benefits to be reaped, one must be mentally prepared for a life style change.

Then why not just eat healthy since I was eating healthy before? Like training for a race, a detox gives a regimen and a goal. For those who don't know what healthy eating is really all about, a healthy detox gives knowledge and hopefully helps create and solidify good eating habits. For some one like me, this detox is like pressing my restart button. It gives me a goal and some guidance in case I should feel like splurging. Some people have turned to juicing to save their own lives. It is about intention and knowing that you are pursuing a healthy program, which is why most people say, and I will say, it's a good idea to check with a doctor before you go off on an extreme diet plan.

Those are my thoughts and my reasons. If they don't make sense, that's fine. We all have to find our own drive to do the things we do. Here's my home-spun program in a nutshell: The first three days are modeled after the Dr. Oz 3 Day Detox--liquid meals. I chose this because I can use a blender and real food. I'll throw a picture up on the side. The next three days also include liquid meals and reintroducing solid foods (based on SkinnyMs. 3-day Detox found here: http://skinnyms.com/three-day-cleanse-detox/). The last day is based off The Detox Diet (
The Detox Diet; The Definitive Guide for Lifelong Vitality with Recipes, Menus, and Detox Plans by Elson M. Haas and Daniella Chace), which focuses on solid foods like fruit, grains and veggies and allows for protein if desired.

Here are the specifics (I have done some tweaking because I use what I have on hand if I can reasonably substitute something out):

Day 1-3:
Breakfast: Green tea with lemon
                Shake: 1cup water
                           1TBSP flax seed (I wasn't buying a whole bag of flax seed meal when
                               I could use what I have in the pantry.)
                           1cup berry mix (I already had bags of frozen berries)
                           1 banana
                           1 TBSP almond butter
                           2 TSP lemon juice
                Multivitamin & Fish Oil

Lunch: Shake: 4 celery stalks
                      1 cucumber
                      1 cup kale
                      1/2 green apple
                      1/2 lime
                      1TBSP coconut oil (I'll try olive oil since I have that. if it doesn't work
                           out I'll try half oil and half coconut water)
                      1/2 cup almond milk
                      1 cup pineapple

Snack: repeat favorite shake

Dinner: Shake: 1.5 cups fruit
                       1.5 cups coconut water
                       1 cup kale
                       1 TBSP lemon
                       1/4 avacado
                       1/4 TSP cayenne pepper
                       1TBSP flax seed

Day 4-6
Breakfast: Green tea with lemon
                Shake Options: Lean Green Juice
                                        Super Detox Green Smoothie
                                        Cleanse & Detox Smoothie
                                        Coconut Milk Smoothie
          (I'll post what I make as I make it, but the original recipes can be found at the
           SkinnyMs. link above)

Snack: cut carrot, cucumber, celery with handful of nuts (nuts optional)

Lunch: Green salad with garlic and oil dressing (I make my own)

Snack: veggies and nuts OR one Mean Green Juice

Dinner: vegetable soup (I'll be following the recipe from the SkinnyMs. website)

Day 7
Breakfast: 1-2 glasses water with lemon
                 1 apple
                 1 bowl whole wheat grains (I have plain instant oatmeal, even though
                         according to the plan quinoa is the best to use)

Snack: drink water collected from steamed vegetables (add veg salt for taste)

Lunch: 1-2 bowls steamed vegetables (I may do one cup veg, 1 cup mashed sweet
                  potatoes)

Snack: water collected from steamed vegetables

Dinner: same as lunch but may add 4oz protein


I'm using this as a guide, not as a rule set in stone. I'll be updating daily about the previous day; should be fun. Anthony has been really supportive of me, as have some other friends, and I have to say it is awesome to have friends who will support you. I also have to say it is nice to have friends who disagree with you. I find that it makes you think more about your decisions and helps you really understand what you're doing and why.

Catching Up and Taking Off

Hawaii has been wonderful and terrible all at the same time. This is only my first official move with the military and I am still getting used to things. Maybe I'll have life down packed by the time I get to my third move.

In an attempt to get healthy again I started working out with an online support group. I really didn't work so hard. I am awesome at being lazy. I started running again and boxing. I stopped the boxing, though, because I want a gym like I had in Misawa. Something small and friendly. Who can expect to find that in such a large metro area? So I'm focusing on food and running and some calisthenics. I discovered that a gallon of water a day is a good amount for me. Do you know how much water that is? I thought I was going to be peeing every 15 mins, but it isn't as bad as I thought.

I've been going on some awesome hikes. Pictures to come. My first was Koko Head with my friend, Jenni. I read that it was an intermediate level hike and I figured I could handle that. Now, this hike is along an old train track that used to take military men from the base of this very steep hill to the top so they could look out for attacks during WWII.

I don't like heights. But I'm not so bad that I can't deal with the quickened heart rate and the fear hormones. Practice lunges for a week before you start doing this trail. We saw a few people who were running up this thing and I have no idea how they do this, but good for them because I'm sure those are the people who will live to 100 years. My legs were jelly by the time I got to the bottom, but it was a good feeling. The feeling of hard work and accomplishments. I know that my legs were sore for a day and a half, but I don't remember that pain. I will be going on this hike again.

The next hike was a doggie friendly hike at Kaunala Trail up past North Shore. That was a longer hike and Mercy had a good time. I got to walk with Ms. Sherrie who actually started the Paws on the Path hiking club. She is an amazing person and it was a blessing being able to walk with her. I was especially glad because everyone else took off and Mercy didn't quite get the concept of walking without sniffing and peeing on everything. She was very good at checking and making sure we were both with her as we were walking, though.

My third hike was to Lanikai Pill Boxes. Lanikai is by far my favorite beach so far. The waters are clear and calm. The hike was amazing!

I slipped on some loose dirt and it was harder than I thought it was going to be, but I had a really good time.

 I went with my friend, Randi. We were both surprised at how steep the hike was at first, and when you get up there you can really tell how high up you are.

The waters are amazingly blue and it feels like you can see on and on around the island and the ocean. This hike had me considering new hiking shoes.

My most recent hike has been with my husband. Bless his heart, I'm not asking him on another hike. We enjoy different activities but for us its a blessing, not a curse.

 I don't need him around to go on adventures, and he doesn't need me. The fun is when we come home and get to talk about what we did. Some relationships don't work that way, but we do. And if there is something important I want him to do, he goes along; and I for him.

We've been in this relationship for a long time. While we're still learning each others quirks, we have a good understanding of who we are and what makes our relationship work.

I got off on a rant there, but back to the HIKE! We went on the Aiea Loop Trail. It is a 4+ mile trail with mud and trees and a wonderful view of H3. My camera died part of the way through the hike, so I had to rely on my camera phone.

There were all sorts of different trees to look at and the varying scenery was beautiful. It was a nice little hike. OH! Mercy-chan went with us as well. She had a fantastic time but I could really tell that I'm the alpha in our little family. The more I hike, the more I love it. I would try some of those crazy hikes as long as I was with a group who had done those hikes before. I don't mind getting dirty.

I've started a little garden. Strawberries and herbs mostly. I think I've killed my dwarf gardenia. It is my favorite bush for the flower and the scent; it reminds me of home, but clearly I'm doing something wrong. I've also been cooking up a storm of creative foods. I'm becoming a running, foodie, spiritualistic hippie. It is so fun, though!